Learned to Drive a Stock Car

It’s a Pro Challenge car at Toronto Motorsports Park, aka, Cayuga Speedway.

Non-car nerds: there’s no driving aids, no traction control, no power brakes or steering… it’s all muscle. That also means there’s no protective mechanisms in the engine, so, rev it too high and it blows up.

It’s a sequential shift.  Which I hadn’t used for years, so made myself a little instruction sheet. Blip when downshifting.

I’m too little to reach the pedals.

So that’s a go-kart seat inside the real seat.

Few laps of the parking lot to get accustomed.

The track is covered in wet patches uhhhh, I’m on slicks.

Okay here I go.

Hit 270 km/h on this straightaway.  That’s my fastest ever.

Best lap was a 1:29.

A video posted by Keri Blog (@keriblog) on

Never stalled it, my lines weren’t great, my shifting was smooth, and by the end my left arm was completely numb.

And apparently I kept hitting the chip too often.

Me: I don’t know what it means when you’re waving your arms at me?
Owner: it means get OFF THE CHIP KERI. Shift sooner.

Requisite race car driver pose.

Jokes asisde, I was pretty proud of myself.

Like my driving shoes?

Did this all in my combat boots.



The World’s Most Powerful 4-Cylinder Engine

That title goes to Mercedes-Benz and their  2.0L 4-cylinder turbocharged engine found inside the CLA 45 AMG.

355 hp
332 lb.ft of torque
0-100 km/h in 4.6 seconds
Top speed – 250 km/h
Engine is hand-built, start to finish, by one technician

Starting at $50,600
Sold out in Canada

(pictured above is a CLA 250, but the AMG looks similar enough, with the main difference being the badge on the back)

(non car nerds: AMG is Mercedes’ line of high-performance vehicles, see this chart)

(to be clear – the post title refers to a “production engine found in a consumer vehicle”)

(I did not mean for this post to have so many brackets)



A Brief History of my Days as a Security Guard

When I first moved to Toronto years ago, I used to work as a security guard at different downtown venues.

This is BMO field, where the TFC soccer team plays. Season’s ticket holders enter the stadium at the green *

If you were a 2009 season’s ticket holder,
I probably checked your bag.

And probably commented on its contents.

To the mothers, sorry I had to take away your kid’s food, they made me. Not sorry for all the water bottle caps I unscrewed, that’s a no every time.

One night, across the way at the Ricoh Coliseum, I was on search at the door, for a Slipknot concert, and I’d forgotten my gloves :S

Gwen Stefani smiled at me once, and it’s amazing how pumped people get for Nickelback. Saw Adele before she was Adele, the former head coach of the Raptors gave me a locker room coke, and I once escorted ACDC to their van without realizing it.

When Elton John was here, that was me, in the centre of the arena, sitting on a speaker guarding the sound mixer. David Furnish sat beside me for a bit, he has a nice air about him.  Britney Spears was the only shift I ever requested.

Three days at the Royal Agricultural Fair feels like forever, this job really slowed down time.

And no, I don’t want your guitar pick.

The perks of this job were lost on me, since I rarely listen to music.  Mostly I’d ask to be assigned to the quietest, remote corner, and read.

About my over-the-top 5.11 pants I got for my uniform.

(top photo – taken during a backstage tour of the Honda Indy)




If I Wore Printed T-shirts, I Would Wear These

Ever notice I’m always in the same T-shirt, plain and light grey? For 5 years and one million photos?

I never wear printed anything, no logos, no sayings, I like blank best.

Once they wear out, pill or shrink, I Sharpie sayings onto the front, and wear them around home.  Then I save them into a vacuum-sealed bag, that I’ve moved with 9 times anyway, so I can one day make a video called, “My 10 Grey T-shirts”, not joking.

But if I wore printed T-shirts, I’d wear these.


To be clear, these would be worn ironically.

The ‘was‘ is why it’s funny.

Sometimes I buy them to give away, and live vicariously.

If you were to recieve a T-shirt gift from me, the presentation would look like this:

That is slated for the mail Monday morning. That is also a test, to see how regularly the recipient reads my blog. Bit of an unfair test though, because he’s on dial-up.

Got this as a gift years ago, funny eh.

But onward with plain gray.



A Plain Post Title on This Sunday Night

Sorry for the lag in the blog the last couple days… Friday was non-stop everywhere, and I’m still figuring out how to balance writing this blog, and writing for the paper… the newspaper side comes with a commitment and a boss, but the blog side is why I have that stuff in the first place, and I need an assistant so bad holy crap.

Friday morning was headshots for the paper.  That’s Dan Barron in the blue, and photographer, Michael.  Welcome to my blog, guys!

I joined Dan at Autonet.ca, he writes great stuff read it here, and Michael is a long time Sun guy, and this is cool, Artic canoe-r.

This was also cool last week, the below photo Tweet.  Hello, I’m in Windsor now! Thanks Chuck.

But. BUT. Look at the asterisk… that’s not the correct name,

my column is called, ‘Keri on Driving’, no gender glyph.

I saw this coming, remember the big eyes right before signing the contract? Didn’t see the woman sign coming though, ugh.  It’s technically the sign for Venus, but it wouldn’t be my first choice, ever.  But that’s the price: less-to-no control.

A lazy afternoon drive.

Think I’m going to have to buy a car, guys.  

It’s too much, transit from Markham to Mississauga when swapping out cars, that’s a 100km & 3 hour investment.  I’m going to starting looking into finding a $1000, manual, 1990’s something.

This week’s flowers.

Fancier than all previous weeks, eh.  That’s becuase those are congratulations flowers, thanks missy ;)

Ya buddy.

And that is your Sunday wrap-up.

Here’s to a great start to your week, xo Keri