Favourite lines:

“I tip on drop-off” should only be uttered while en route to retrieve your car yourself.

and:

Or don’t. Continue to broadcast an air of cheap, keep defending how you’re sticking it to minimum-wage-guy – the one to whom you’ve just entrusted your second most valuable possession.

I loved this column.

I approached this scientifically, and think I proved indeed, the valet should be tipped twice.

Guess the paper agreed, this was my largest cover-page mention yet.

I love when they say, “our columnist.” Our.

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