Yup.
Two articles for work today, and a meeting with one of North America’s largest marketing firms about KeriBlog, a quick stop at the casino (no big win today) and about 200 km on the road, the end.
The meeting was educational, and while nothing I heard I didn’t see coming, it was at the same time disheartening. I’ve pulled off the impossible over and over, how am I the only one that sees the pudding proof? I have a proven history too, this is the second time I’ve been an internet pioneer; I sold millions online before most of you used email regularly. And still…
… I run the Gucci of Canadian blogs, but still can’t find where the big cheques are supposed to come from. I used to get off on this challenge, but now it’s just like….
… like, I’ve kicked myself up towards the upper tier of the auto world in less than 2 years, the manufacturers like and trust me, but I can’t take cheques from them because of “journalistic ethics”.
I’m not comfortable promoting anything security related, because think that through – here guys use this anti-virus product! Next week that product gets hacked, and you get compromised because you listened to me. And I don’t have this big team of protection behind me, it’s just me; hello mega backlash and bad karma.
And look what I blog about – thought-controlled computing, small business owners being more accountable security-wise, random life observations that don’t easily fit into any ad buyer’s verticals, stuff intended to make you think, consider altering your perspective. So imagine how it feels to get beat by shows like ‘Teen Mom’.
If I partied more, wore more dresses, I’m sure I’d be further ahead. Really, all I’d have to do is take my top off a few times a year… but that’s not me.
And all this, for what?
My stuff is secure. I already have a semi-enlightened mind. Work is going great, and my ‘Featured Author’ status isn’t going anywhere. The Cars section of my blog is taking off, and I never even told you about the national corporation that offered to buy it last year for $50k.
And as good as I am at those two things, where I really excel is changing someone’s perspective. But I don’t think anyone really wants to hear that, no one _really_ wants to change; they just want to give it lip service then go home and watch TV.
Then on Wednesday night something broke in me. I’d spent a chunk of time and energy helping someone because I’m kind, and the result was a kick in the teeth. And with that, I’m done.
I no longer care.
I’m going to learn to be selfish like everyone else, think of myself first and only myself, and if someone wants something solved they’re on their own. The days of me being everyone’s emergency call are over.
And based on living like that for the last two days, I’m starting to get why most do, it sure is easier.
I’m in way too deep here to walk away from my blog, and the fighter in my DNA wouldn’t know how, so going to kick the lippyness up a notch and off I go.
I’ll leave you with my reflection in the trim of the passenger seat. Have a good weekend, or don’t.
